Man's DVD Collection 90% Ironic
LEBANON, Tenn. — Local film enthusiast Jeffrey Morrison came to the stunning realization earlier this week that of the one-hundred and fifty Blu-rays and DVDs that he owns, a whopping one-hundred and thirty five of them were purchased ironically, friends and family of Morrison confirm.
“Ok sure The Favourite was one of the best movies of the past ten years, but how many times am I really going to pop that into my player to rewatch it.” Morrison explained while alphabetizing his collection. “But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched 1987’s Masters of the Universe and Mac & Me is one I put on all the time to fall asleep to. In another ten years, no one will remember Nomad, but The Room is timeless.”
Morrison’s girlfriend, Kristen Benson, seems to have reached her wits end with her boyfriend’s collection.
“Instead of buying a movie he actually likes, he’ll buy Dirty Grandpa for two dollars at a truck stop,” Benson explained. “And don’t even get me started on his horror collection. We will put something on in the background for when we… you know.. But it is kind of hard to get sensual with Troll 2 on the screen. I even let him piggy-back on my Netflix account by now my queue is filled with things like The Bye Bye Man and American Poltergeist. He fucked my entire algorithm up.”
Film economist Monica Clarke believes it is people like Morrison keeping the DVD industry alive.
“With everyone switched to online streaming, there are fewer and fewer people buying DVDs and the industry is dying,” Clarke explained. “It is collectors like Morrison who purchase Showgirls in 4K and Battlefield Earth Special Edition that are keeping his market alive. No one really needs to own a copy of Sharknado but these DVD production houses are sure glad they do. I personally just bought a copy of Samurai Cop to do my part to help.”
When reached for updates, Benson stated she was trying to talk Morrison out of buying a VHS copy of Batman & Robin he found at a flea market.