New Netflix True Crime Docuseries Spends Eight Episodes Not Finding Out Who Did It


DILLWEED, Ill. — Over the course of eight long, one hour episodes, new Netflix docuseries, Kids: Missing? takes a deep dive into the disappearance of six small town children in 1972 and ultimately never determines what even remotely could have happened to them, disappointed true crime fans report.

“I was so saddened for these children, their families and this town. It was like my calling to figure out what happened, even though I never really intended to solve the disappearances,” said director Sasha Eldritch during a SXSW panel on documentarians changing the world. “I wish we could do a follow-up series, since there’s so much more to poorly investigate and leave open-ended. But that’s the beauty of documentary film – to raise more questions than answers.”

The residents of Dillweed are still grappling with the lack of answers.

“At first the whole town was excited to be part of the little film because we thought we’d get some sort of justice for those poor kids nearly 40 years after the fact,” said Francis Sullivan, a childhood best friend of a little girl who went missing decades earlier. “But the finished product just poked holes in the evidence and introduced a whole crockpot of theories that made pretty much everyone in town out to be a potential suspect. Also, eight episodes was way too long. It could’ve been an 80 minute film, tops.”

Netflix was ultimately pleased with the series amid a huge surge in true crime content.

“Honestly, we’re pumping out a new true crime documentary every goddamn day. I can hardly keep track anymore. Was this the one about Ted Bundy?” said Netflix executive Lance Peterson as he scanned Wikipedia for new true crime documentary subjects. “Those websleuth nerds eat this shit up – dead wives, murdered children, handsome predators, it’s really appalling. And sure we have the resources to probably solve most of these cases, but why spend them on a show when people are gonna watch all eight hour long episodes regardless?”

At press time, Eldritch announced her next project for Netflix would attempt to undermine mysteries that have definitely been solved.

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