Paddington Cinematic Universe Creates Shared Fantasy World Where Kindness And Decency Win
LONDON, UK — Representatives from Studiocanal UK confirmed today that the third Paddington film would be part of a...
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MCU Heroes, Ranked By How Likely We Think They Would Be To Get The COVID-19 Vaccine
Avengers: Endgame rounded out Marvel’s Phase 3 with The Avengers working to save half the population from eradication...
Extended Cut Of 'The Lighthouse' Adds 20 Minutes of Robert Pattinson Masturbating
LOS ANGELES — An upcoming extended-release of modern art-house horror classic The Lighthouse promises additional...
Help! I Dyed My Hair Blue And Now Men Won’t Stop Projecting Romantic Idealism Onto Me
I dyed my hair blue and now I’m trapped in some random guy’s dream and I can’t stop rollerblading!! All I wanted...
Experts No Closer To Determining Why Jared Leto Standing Outside Your Window Every Night
LOS ANGELES — Despite years of research, experts have come no closer to determining why award-winning actor-musician...
Sad Director Hires Phoebe Bridgers To Write Sad Song For Sad Movie
SAD CITY — Ashing a cigarette on a tear-soaked manuscript in celebration, a forlorn Charlie Kaufman finalized...
Report: 'Emily In Paris' Nominated For Golden Globe Because That's Where We're At As A Country, We Guess?
UNITED STATES —- Pop culture historians released a report early this morning attributing Netflix hit Emily in Paris'...
Clifford Euthanized Following Deadly Car Accident
BIRDWELL ISLAND, Mass. — Dog whisperers across the country mourned Friday morning as beloved giganto-viszla Clifford...
AMC Stocks Soar After Announcement They Finally Fixed The Other Escalator
NEW YORK — Shares in AMC Entertainment were up nearly 300% today, a huge gain for the company that analysts are...
YA Series Requires 10 Years High School Experience to Play High Schooler
BURBANK, Calif. — Seeking hot, but not necessarily talented new talent, upcoming YA series The Love Diaries has put...
Werner Herzog Unfazed By Ghost Living in His Bathroom
LOS ANGELES – Renowned filmmaker Werner Herzog has continued to live his life completely unbothered...
Death Eaters Warn Harry Potter Destroying Horcruxes Will Further Divide Wizarding World
LONDON — Following the attempted overthrow of the Ministry of Magic in the name of Lord Voldemort, Death Eaters...
Late Night Television Permanently Suspends The Joker From Talk Show Appearances Due To Risk Of Further Incitement Of Violence
GOTHAM — After years of giving widely-known-to-be-dangerous comic book villain The Joker an unmoderated megaphone...
