Oscars Signal Return To Normalcy By Snubbing Actors Of Color

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Audiences were treated to a glimpse of pre-pandemic normalcy during last night’s 93rd Academy Awards ceremony when “Best Actor” nominees Chadwick Boseman, Steven Yeun and Riz Ahmed were snubbed in favor of six-time Oscar winner Anthony Hopkins, relieved sources reported.

“We wanted to let our audiences know that nature is healing, and what better way to do that than by snubbing three talented actors of color in favor of a guy who has more Oscars than kids?” said Academy Awards producer Alan Struthers. “We aren’t out of the woods yet, Chloe Zao did win ‘Best Director’ after all, but we felt it was time to make the first major steps toward normality. Hopefully in a few years this will all be behind us and we can go back to giving Oscars to Martin Scorcese and Eddie Redmayne exclusively again.”

Criticisms have been specifically pointed towards the Academy's snubbing of Chadwick Boseman, who died last year after a long battle with cancer.

“Chadwick was an icon who built a career off of recognising the importance of diversity and amplifying the voices that far too often go unheard in the film industry,” said film critic Ian Jeffs. “It seemed like he was going to win. They moved the “Best Actor” category to the end even, as if the last few minutes of the show was meant to be a celebration of his work. When Hopkins won it was like “surprise, it’s the 2013 Oscars again! Was it in poor taste? Absolutely. But it was nice to catch a glimpse of pre-pandemic life again. Besides, those Chadwick Boseman memorial NFTs in the goodie bag were good enough.”

The move was well received by Oscar viewers, who were happy to see that the hardest times were behind them.

“It can be hard to remember what life was like before COVID. Thankfully last night’s ceremony was like stepping in a time machine and traveling to the early 2010s.” said Melissa Hannity, an Oscar viewer. “I still can’t go to restaurants or see my parents, but it was nice to see actors of color passed over in favor of old white actors again. It just felt right, you know? Soon they’ll go back to only nominating white actors to begin with. We’re on the right track at least.

The Academy has since committed to snubbing people of color in every category in next year’s ceremony.

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