Paddington Cinematic Universe Creates Shared Fantasy World Where Kindness And Decency Win


LONDON, UK — Representatives from Studiocanal UK confirmed today that the third Paddington film would be part of a greater cinematic universe set in a fantasy world where kindness and decency succeed.

“We are overjoyed to welcome audiences into the Paddington Cinematic Universe, or ‘the PCU’ for short, a rich fantastical land where the brutish cynicism that poisons the soul of modern life is but a mere abstraction, and instead the day is won not by the least craven societal actors, but by a nice bear and his happy little sandwiches,” Alex Hamilton, CEO of Studiocanal UK, said in a statement.  

Paul King, who wrote and directed the wonderful 2014 Paddington and its sweet, endearing 2017 sequel, stated that he had “full faith in Studiocanal UK’s ability to build and expand a cinematic universe that’s so unlike our own world.”

“Cinematic universes redefine the relationships between audiences and characters and filmmakers, but it’s my hope that, as we create the Paddington Cinematic Universe, we’re able to really defy audience expectations and make the world of Paddington totally unlike our current reality,” said King in a phone interview. “With this third film, I’d love to fully reject the toxic political discourse and creeping rise of fascism that our audience is so accustomed to in their day-to-day lives, and instead show them a magical land where your neighbor says hi to you and you actually want to say hello back.”

Ben Whishaw, who voices the eponymous bear, expressed his delight when reached for comment.

“I couldn’t be happier to be returning as the voice of Paddington,” said Whishaw. “He’s a lovely character to embody, especially because he resides in this heavenly alternate reality where being a really sweet and lovely bear grants you some measure of success and personal fulfillment. It’s an opportunity for me to reflect on what I want from life, and how this hellish, cruel world we all inhabit always falls short.”

At press time, sales of orange marmalade and calming lavender-infused bath soaps had risen nearly 376 percent.

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