Marvel Reveals ‘Deadpool 3’ Will Break Fifth Wall By Sending Ryan Reynolds To Watch With You

20th Century

LOS ANGELES — Squeezing every possible penny out of their raunchiest cinematic property, Marvel announced Monday morning that Deadpool 3 will break the fifth wall by sending Ryan Reynolds to the movie theater to watch the film with you, terrified sources report.

“Deadpool has always been a ground-breaking franchise, with its near-constant winks to the audience, metajokes, and gratuitous gore, but at the MCU, we’re always aiming higher,” Marvel Studios president Kevin Feige. “Audiences were shocked when the first Deadpool broke the fourth wall. And that was great, for a time. But people are getting bored with it. And bored people don’t buy movie tickets. Breaking the fifth wall has never been done before in the history of cinema. Now that will make some moolah.”

Representatives from the National Association of Theater Owners said they were more than happy to help execute the film’s gimmick.

“Sending Ryan Reynolds to every movie theater for every showtime of Deadpool 3 across the country is going to be incredibly difficult and require more resources than the Association has, but Marvel’s got us by the balls bad,” said NATO representative Alison Brewer. “We’ll basically do anything Kevin Feige tells us to do at this point to keep Marvel from dropping the next Black Panther straight to Disney Plus. And at least it’s Ryan Reynolds and not Mark Ruffalo, that dude is such a downer.”

Ryan Reynolds himself seemed thrilled by the idea.

“I truly can’t imagine a better way for people to experience this film than having me, Ryan Rodney Reynolds, sitting next to them the whole time,” the actor said while taking a break from kissing babies. “I’ll be sure to rattle off tons of dick jokes and blow plenty of raspberries during the movie too, so they’ll really get the sense of what it’s like to spend time with Deadpool.”

At press time, Marvel was in talks with the FBI to secure permanent legal immunity for Mr. Reynolds from trespassing charges so he could attend future home viewings of the film.

Run Time:

Steven Yeun Makes Oscar History As First Best Actor Nominee To Use Too Small A Slice

LOS ANGELES — Steven Yeun received an Oscar nomination Monday morning for his breakout turn in this year’s critical...

'I’m In,' Announces 90s Movie Hacker During Sex

DENVER — “I’m in,” 90s movie hacker Elliot Barnes announced as he and recent acquaintance Kate Murphy writhed in...

‘Jackass 4’ Stunt Has Cast and Crew Watch ‘Jackass 3’ In Crowded Theater

LOS ANGELES — The latest entry in the Jackass franchise, now hitting theaters in October, includes a stunt...

Entry Level Entertainment Job Requires 10 Years Experience As Director's Child

LOS ANGELES – An entry level production assistant job for a new horror film from director Alan Harrison required that...

Furious Lin-Manuel Miranda Bursts Through Wall After Local Teen Throws Away Shot

WICHITA, Kan. — Musical theater magnate Lin-Manuel Miranda erupted through the walls of high school cafeteria to...

Martin Scorsese Takes Chance On Unknown Actor In Forthcoming Movie

NEW YORK — Further solidifying his status as a titan of the entertainment industry, legendary director Martin...